Tag: "Love"

Nov 30

Goodness uncovered by Trauma

A few weeks ago I was talking with one of my patients about his recent release from the hospital where he was treated for a major infection. He was telling me he had to get home to cook the turkey for Thanksgiving. He was bringing the meal to his elderly parents, his mother is recovering from her second bout of breast cancer and his dad is currently struggling with the effects of Leukemia. Joe also ...
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Nov 24

A Holiday Wish- The Need for Goodness in our Troubled World

Goodness is defined as the best part of anything. Goodness is surely the best part of human beings. It is when we act with kindness, generosity, strength and integrity. Henry David Thoreau said that “goodness is the only investment that never fails”. It never fails because when we engage others with an attitude of goodness we produce what we are biologically and spiritually programmed to do. We produce the hormone oxytocin, which has been called the ...
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Nov 10

Can we sustain Love without Sex?

In my last group therapy session members were discussing their levels of happiness in relation to all aspects of their lives.  This particular group ranges in age from mid-forties to mid -fifties. One of the women who was recently divorced said her major frustration in life is not having a sexual partner. “I haven’t had sex in more than a year, she kiddingly made light of the situation but we could all tell she was ...
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Oct 28

Are You a Story Teller? Truth or Consequences

In our newly released book, The Curse of the Capable we mentioned how Tiger Woods single minded focus worked successfully for him before he was married and how his life had supposedly become more balanced as he married and started a family. I don’t pretend to know Mr. Woods other than what I have read and observed so I mean no disrespect to him or his family for including him in this article.  His relevance ...
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Oct 26

Narcissism is Up, Empathy is Down, How Come?

A recent study at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research found that college students today are 40% less empathic than they were in 1979, the largest decline coming in the last decade. A review of 72 studies over three decades revealed that narcissism and self absorption are on the rise. Scientists were not able to determine clear causes for this change but some speculated that terrorism, the economy, constant news exposure, and an ...
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Oct 14

Estranged-The Dilemma of the American Couple

American couples are increasingly growing distant in a society driven by image, fears of ageing and the uncertainties of a rapidly changing world. According to the World Health Organization we have one of the highest rates of depression, stress, anxiety, addictions, diabetes and obesity in the civilized world. Our children reportedly have the highest rates of childhood diabetes and obesity, and the depression rates for children are two and a half times what they ...
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Sep 18

How We Choose Who To Love

       When I was studying at a psychoanalytic institute many years ago I heard the saying “we all marry parts of our mother and father”. At the time being a single man I thought this idea was a bit extreme. Now after 30 years of treating couples and from my own personal experience I can say it is not so farfetched. Of course it stands to reason that we are attracted to what is familiar, ...
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Sep 11

Two kinds of Selfishness

In this morning’s group session one of our members abruptly announced he was going to take a three month trip across country with his wife and would be leaving group. Members were astounded as we have a guideline that when someone is going to leave they pick a date, and give advanced notice so we can go through a compete process of saying goodbye. This entails giving and receiving direct feedback, settling any leftover conflicts ...
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Jul 14

Ultimate Intimacy: The Elusive Challenge

       I have been a practicing clinical psychologist for many years and in that time I have seen clients from many countries and all walks of life. Despite their diverse backgrounds if I were asked what is the one common, elusive aspect of life that all humans, regardless of circumstance long for I would have to say sustained intimacy.          Most people can create intimacy initially but few are able to sustain rich intimacy with a ...
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Jun 23

Image Love

                                                   Performance Addiction is the belief that perfecting appearance and achieving status will secure love, happiness and respect. It is an irrational belief system hardwired early in life and reinforced by cultural expectations, especially American cultural expectations.      As a result Performance Addicts have great difficulty maintaining intimate relationships. None of us fall in love with a real person initially; we fall in love with an image. In the obsession and compulsion of romantic passion we ...
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